Vacuum Decay
by MirrorImage27
Summary: In which Hikigaya Hachiman gains an unexpected appreciation for science as he is being tutored, though not in the way Yukinoshita Yukino had hoped.


**Is there any reason high schoolers (especially ones planning on enrolling in the liberal arts career track) would learn some of the finer points of quantum field theory? Probably not, but maybe humor me for a bit? Disclaimer, I am not a scientist by any stretch of the imagination, so forgive any errors (and maybe point them out, I am somewhat curious about the subject)!**

* * *

Science. Truly the most loathsome of subjects. What's the point in learning how the world works when the only thing of any consequence is the end result? As such, a rough understanding should suffice, I shouldn't have to memorize the particulars of chemical reactions! Furthermore, the further you get in science, the more dubious its value becomes, with quantum mechanics and metaphysics seeming more ontological philosophy than discoveries from vigorously tested hypotheses. I dabbled in Leibniz on a whim once and laughed at the absurdity. 'Best of all possible worlds?' What a load of garbage! **(1)**

While I had made such points in trying to convincing Yukinoshita that making an extra effort to get a higher score in my math and science exams was unnecessary I had (as expected) been mercilessly rebuffed by the ensuing blizzard. Apparently (points about quantum mechanics notwithstanding), despite having physics in its name and occasionally having applications in theory, metaphysics _was_ philosophy, not that a stupid, rotten, fish-eyed amoeba would be able to make such a distinction. Source: Yukinoshita. Things did thaw out a bit toward the end however, when she informed me, eyes facing away from me and a blush on her cheeks: _Besides, w-we are going to the same university after all, right?_ Hyper Combo Finish! KO! **(2)**

At the end of my rope, I found myself using my last resort. Despite risking dying of embarrassment, I was willing to take the risk if it meant avoiding what was sure to be a vigorous study session, and all the work that would entail. I learned Yukinoshita-sensei kept her students on a tight leash when I observed her tutoring Yuigahama, and I was sure that I would get a lot less patience and a lot more verbal abuse (And she wouldn't even have the decency to have 5 grams of hiding her embarrassment, but I would be sure to get all 97 grams of malicious intent). **(3)** Knowing all, this I used my trump card: _W-well, it would be hard to study… I might get d-distracted, with you there, you k-know?_

While what remained of the ice queen's frosty demeanor rapidly sublimated, (See! I know that one Yukinoshita!) if her face was any indication, my attempt failed, earning me the rapid fire barrage of: _Idiot! Pervert! Beast!_ Needless to say, she eventually recovered, and berated me for using such an underhanded method, though I got the sense that she was vaguely pleased with herself. Troublesome woman…

And thus, I found myself studying with her at my house on the weekend. Komachi had made herself scarce shortly after Yukinoshita's arrival, claiming lots of Komachi points for 'giving gomii-chan and Yuki-nee some alone time.' Hopefully she remembered to apply some insect repellant before leaving… In any case, to my surprise over the past several hours I learned (Much to Yukinoshita's chagrin): Even science has its merits!

"I'm beginning to regret agreeing to tutor you in sciences," Yukinoshita groused, placing a hand on her forehead tiredly.

"Why, do you regret teaching me that my ideals are supported by the principles of science?" It wasn't often I could hold a victory over Yukinoshita, I had to enjoy this while I could!

Yukinoshita narrowed her eyes. "I'm certain that the support of your twisted logic is not what quantum scientists had in mind."

"Didn't you say it yourself? That fundamentally, everything in existence naturally seeks a state with the lowest energy, and thus stability! So I am merely seeking to obtain my own ground state in my dream to become a house husband and shirk the life a soulless corporate slave! To think that my mantra, 'to work is to lose', would equate to a law of the universe! Had I known that science was so wonderful, I would have asked for help sooner!" I replied triumphantly, channeling my inner 'mad scientist.' Now assistant, let's see your rebuttal! **(4)**

"While I appreciate your enthusiasm and am glad you seem to be grasping the material, I can't say I approve of it arising in such a disgusting manner. That aside, your conclusion at best requires several flimsy inductive leaps, and that completely leaves aside the gross false equivalence. Sloppy, even for you, Hikigaya-kun," Yukinoshita sighed.

I sagged my shoulders. Leave it to Yukinoshita to constantly try to take the wind out of my sails.

Yukinoshita smoothed her hair. "Let's assume for now that your absurd hypothesis is correct for a moment. You're saying that your useless loafing and absurd dream are simply products of quantum mechanics?"

"I don't like how you said it, but in essence, yes," I grumbled. I should have expected that she wasn't finished yet. Forget the tundra, whenever Yukinoshita started deconstructing an opposing argument it was more like scorched earth.

"Though you know that such a state would be impossible for you, especially after you begged so spectacularly for my father's favor. I seem to recall you saying that you would do anything, even become one of those 'soulless corporate slaves' you loathe so much," Yukinoshita smirked.

Demon woman! Using my words against me! "W-well, it can't be helped. This is simply the lowest amount of work my existence will allow," I replied, recalling how I had cast aside what little dignity I had left after Yukinoshita and I got… together. My request that had led to all of this was proving to be far more laborious than I anticipated. N-not that I minded, but to hell if I tell her that!

I chanced a glance at Yukinoshita, finding her smiling at me slightly. She closed her eyes a bit before continuing her lesson. "Well, living such a way is technically possible, though as things stand your 'ideal' ground state will forever be out of your grasp," Yukinoshita went on smugly, reveling in the fact that the tables had turned.

"Yeah, yeah, I got it already," I replied, rolling my eyes under her haughty gaze. So much for being humble in victory, ojou-sama. **(5)**

"Well, I hadn't quite finished my lesson. You remember I mentioned earlier the Higgs Field?"

"Yeah… It governs how particles interact right?"

"It seems that rotten mind of yours still might have some functioning grey matter," Yukinoshita replied. Oi, would it kill you to be nicer to your boyfriend here! I grimaced, but she continued. "Well, there's a theory that the field is only meta-stable."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that while the Higgs field behaves as if it is in a ground state, it has not truly reached its lowest form of energy. Thus, it would be gathering potential energy until it transitioned to its 'true' ground state, releasing an unfathomable amount of energy in the process," Yukinoshita explained. That's our Yukipedia!

"Ha! Then if I'm understanding this correctly, then my dream is possible!"

Yukinoshita glared at me. What? Don't blame me for understanding your lesson and using it against you. Sighing, she regained her composure. "From a rhetorical standpoint, yes you could technically extrapolate upon your earlier thoughts to make your infantile fantasy possible. However it isn't quite that simple."

I raised an eyebrow.

Yukinoshita smirked suddenly. "As I said, a vast amount of energy would be released. So much so, that the universe and physics as we know them would be destroyed."

Scary! "Woah, seriously?"

"Yes. So, should you decide to live out your life as worthless filth, do so at the universe's peril."

Ehh! You have got kidding me! As appealing as destroying the rose-colored lives of all the fakers, liars, and idiots of the world, a pyrrhic victory is no victory at all. After all… I had things I didn't want to lose.

I resigned myself to my fate. "Well," I began, averting my eyes from Yukinoshita, "Can't have that, can we?"

"Is that so?" Yukinoshita replied. I chanced a look at her. She was attempting to look cool, composed and dismissive as usual, but even I couldn't miss the slight red dusting her cheeks. Ah, Derederenon shows her true colors!

She scoots a little closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder. Counter-attack! Yukinoshita Yukino is a formidable opponent indeed. My cheeks colored despite myself and I desperately tried to ignore the pleasant scent of her shampoo.

"Well, this is all just speculation based off our current understanding of quantum physics. Everything could very well be disproven in the future."

"Sly woman," I cursed under my breath, though it was half-hearted at best.

Yukinoshita only giggled in response.

* * *

 **So, I wanted to write a brief series about these two, but wanted to step a little into their characters before doing so. With that and mind, I tried thinking of possible conversations between 8man and Yukinon in an established relationship with the goal of eventually able to write them as in-character as possible. I watched a Kurzgesagt video a while back and couldn't help but think of our loner here. Anyways, if you have any feedback for areas of improvement of how the characters are portrayed I would greatly appreciate it. I've been all over this thing for a while now, so I figure at this point it's best to get it out there and see what you guys think. Hope you enjoyed!**

 **(1) G.W. Leibniz wrote the** _ **Discourse on Metaphysics**_ **, a manifesto of sorts on the subject, which in part attempts to rationalize god's existence through application of logic. Leibniz's theory for why evil and despair exist in the world was that of the infinite possibilities, the world we live in is 'the best possible world.' Hachiman is in good company with his disdain, with Voltaire writing a scathing satire of the philosophical movement in his picaresque novella** _ **Candide**_ **(easily the more entertaining read of the two, as well).**

 **(2) Announcer line from the original Marvel VS Capcom**

 **(3) A reference to a reference… that I chose to reference? We've gone full meta here people! More specifically however, we're referring to the composition of 'Senjougahara-sama's' verbal abuse.**

 **(4) Reference to everyone's favorite time traveling 'mad scientist' and his lovely assistant Christina!**

 **(5) "Be humble in victory and gracious in defeat"- Christopher Earle. Hachiman is poking fun at the failure of Yukino's privileged upbringing to instill such principles. Ah, the irony.**


End file.
